An Ode to .. the Vanquished

First printed OCT 22, 2023
Up to date 9 hours in the past

Victor Billot

Victor Billot is a Dunedin author. He’s the creator of the poetry assortment The Units (Otago College Press, 2020), and writes a weekly satirical Ode every Sunday for Newsroom.

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ReadingRoom

Bard Billot bids bye-bye to these biffed out by the blue tide

The Gates of Paradise

King’s Touchdown is fallen.

The Home of Crimson is scattered, dispersed, exiled.

Taniwha Nanaia of the 9 Waters,

Misplaced Rely Michael of the Roskill Mountains,

The Lorckaqueet,

Lord Whatsisname of Twyford,

Governess Tinetti of the Slough of Lots:

All flown over the horizon.

Lord Andy the Little dabs in farewell

And gallops merrily into the sundown.

A battered rump lurk within the Dank Hills of Opposition,

Muttering darkly round smokey fires of moist twigs.

In the meantime, a military of woad-daubed Orcs

Cavort within the Nice Corridor, drunk on energy.

Can it presumably worsen?

Sure, it will probably worsen.

Minor and Obscure Baronet Dan Of Rosewarne,

Stripped of his complimentary flute of champagne,

Is ejected from the Isle of Koru by stern angels

And roughly deposited amongst the funds travellers

With a half-empty paper cup of flat lemonade.

The mists of legend shut round poignant recollections

Of the Legendary Koru Hour Buffet:

Of black pepper braised lamb shoulder with child carrots,

Of ginger soy rooster with capsicum and spring onion,

Of the vegan choice of candy and bitter tofu with edamame and sesame,

And the beautiful morello cherry tart with vanilla cream.

The Gates of Paradise are sealed.

Victor Billot has beforehand felt moved to jot down Odes for such luminaries as David Seymour, Nicola Willis, Chris Hipkins and Mike Hosking.