Cheers and Jeers: Monday

The Week Forward

Monday At the moment is Worldwide City Crier’s Day. Also referred to as Lindsey Graham on daily basis.

Elon Musk tries to stem the exodus from his social media platform to Threads by promising (and failing) to chop to twenty the variety of instances per day he posts “I agree!” to Q-Anon conspiracy concept tweets.

The conservative Supreme Courtroom justices have fun the top of their wrecking-ball session by getting collectively at John Roberts’ summer time place to play just a few rounds of Stare Decisis Jenga. The primary one to trigger the whole lot to break down right into a pile of smoldering rubble wins. (Amy Coney Barrett abstains, as she considers the forces of gravity demonic.)

Continued…

Tuesday Particular counsel Jack Smith spends one other day licking his chops.

As a part of its newest membership drive, the NRA proclaims a brand new contest known as Guess The place The Subsequent Gun Bloodbath Will Be. Along with a gleaming new untraceable AR-15 with scope, silencer, and 10,000 rounds of ammo, the winner could have his or her identify etched on the official trophy, the Ideas & Prayers Cup.

Wednesday The Mortgage Bankers Affiliation releases its “mortgage buy purposes index.” As ordinary, half of the candidates signed the place they need to’ve initialed, and initialed the place they need to’ve signed, and it is such a multitude that each one the bankers surrender and exit for martinis.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene undergoes emergency surgical procedure after by chance getting a verified truth caught in her cranium cavity. Paradoxically, the removing process is carried out by a Jewish physician with a laser.

Thursday Democrats in Congress work to get extra People well being care, assist Ukraine defeat Russia, battle home terrorism, shield ladies’s abortion rights, increase the minimal wage, decrease gasoline costs, and make it simpler to vote. Republicans attempt to get fewer People well being care, assist Russia defeat Ukraine, encourage home terrorism, decrease the minimal wage, preserve gasoline costs excessive to allow them to blame it on Democrats, and make it tougher to vote. And arising this Sunday on Meet the Press: why aren’t Democrats doing sufficient to assist actual People?

Friday The College of Michigan Shopper Sentiment Index is launched. America‘s temper registers an uptick from “infected” to “toaster strudel.” (It is a bizarre index.)

For one more week, the one one to make good on a promise of delivering change is the local weather.

Have one. And now, our function presentation…

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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, July 10, 2023

Observe: At the moment’s lottery numbers can’t be printed as they’re a part of an ongoing investigation. They’ll ultimately be printed both right here or in Leavenworth following the trial, which we contend is nothing however a bogus witch hunt. Thanks in your persistence.

—Paid C&J Harm Management Guide

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til Labor Day: 56

Days ’til the Copper River Salmon Jam in Alaska: 4

Minimal variety of indicted January 6 MAGA insurrectionists—from 37—states, who say they had been simply following Donald Trump’s directions once they traveled to Washington and joined the assault on the Capitol: 174

12 months-over-year % enhance in annual pay, in line with the ADP Analysis Institute: 6.4%

Tons of emissions can be diminished in the remainder of the world for each ton of CO2 prevented within the U.S. by way of the Inflation Discount Act’s incentives: 2.7

12 months by which the U.S.‘s main car makers will stop manufacturing of heavy diesel vehicles slightly than undergo litigation with California over emissions requirements: 2036

12 months that jousting turned the official sport in Maryland: 1962

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Pet Pic of the Day: Cute. And so is the pet…

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CHEERS to jobs jobs jobs jobs jobs. Excellent news on the June employment entrance, as introduced Friday: 209,000 new jobs had been created, assembly expectations. Extra excellent news: the official unemployment fee stays at a low 3.6%. So what to make of all of it? Extra from Invoice McBride at Calculated Danger:

Leisure and hospitality gained 21 thousand jobs in June … [and have] now added again about 96% all the jobs misplaced in March and April 2020.

Development employment elevated 20 thousand and is now 339 thousand above the pre-pandemic stage. Manufacturing employment elevated 7 thousand jobs and is now 204 thousand above the pre-pandemic stage.

In June, the year-over-year employment change was 3.79 million jobs. … General, this was a strong employment report.

As ordinary, the sector by which the fewest People are working stays Republicans in Congress.

JEERS to an opposing view. As a result of nothing good can ever be accepted with a smile and a little bit endorphin rush, this is the official response to the June jobs report by the Henny Penny crowd on the cable information channels. Warning: flying spittle forward…

“YEAH BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS AND WHAT ABOUT THAT AND WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER THING AND THE OTHER OTHER THING AND WHAT ABOUT THE RECESSION WE’VE BEEN PREDICTING FOR THREE YEARS THAT SURELY IS GOING TO HAPPEN THIS WEEK AND THE METEORS AND THE CARAVANS AND WHY CAN’T THE LEFT JUST MOVE A LITTLE MORE TO THE CENTER TO PLACATE THE RIGHT AND ISN’T THIS GOOD JOBS NEWS JUST A WAY FOR BIDEN TO COVER UP HUNTER’S LAPTOP?????”

Anyone get Andrea Mitchell a sedative.

CHEERS to the forty fourth state.  On July 10, 1890, Wyoming—the “Equality State”—joined the union.  I’ve all the time felt a mysterious connection to Wyoming.  This would possibly clarify it:

Wyoming is residence to Yellowstone Nationwide Park, the Grand Teton, and Dick Cheney.  Oh effectively…two outta three ain’t unhealthy.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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JEERS to unhealthy birthday boys.  O.J. Simpson turned 76 yesterday.  And for some unusual motive, nobody was inside a mile of his home when he reduce the cake.

WHATEVER to the unhealthy penny that retains turning up.  Congress is again in session this week.  I do know this as a result of the D.C. hookers are again to purchasing new jewellery and the Home cafeteria workers is again to counting the silverware.

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Ten years in the past in C&J: July 10, 2013

CHEERS to the perfect medication cash should buy. Teresa Heinz Kerry inconvenienced us all by incomes a one-way journey to the hospital over the weekend. The very first thing I stated once I heard the information was, “With God as my witness, ye will get higher!”  Then I clicked my heels thrice and guess what?  She obtained higher:

[H]er situation is bettering, and medical doctors have dominated out a few of the scarier potentialities.

A spokesman for Secretary of State John Kerry stated Tuesday that whereas his spouse, 74, stays at Boston’s Massachusetts Normal Hospital after falling in poor health with seizure-like signs, physicians have dominated out a mind tumor, stroke or coronary heart assault because the underlying trigger.

I can even bend spoons with my thoughts. [7/10/23 Update: Teresa turns 85 in October. Rock on, ma’am.]

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And only one extra…

JEERS to lacking it by ***this*** a lot. I used to be so excited once I obtained this e mail from the legendary Mrs. Delores Ben, who has made it her life’s mission to provide away boatloads of money to random strangers by way of e mail. Over the weekend, it was lastly—lastly!!!—my flip…

Expensive Buddy.

I’ve registered your ATM CARD of $2.5million with FedEx Specific

Supply Firm with license plate of ( Cargo Code awb 33xzs,

ATM Card Registered Code No xgt442. Safety Code

sctc/2001dhx/567/;Transaction Code 233/cstc/101/33028/;Certificates

Deposit code;sctc/bun/xxiv/-78/01). please Contact together with your supply

info similar to,Your Identify,Your Tackle and Your Phone Quantity:

FedEx Specific Supply Firm

Identify of Dir: Mr. Edward Tony Mark

Electronic mail: FedEx Supply Company05

I’ve paid for the Insurance coverage & Supply price. The one price you need to

pay is their Safety price solely. Please point out the registration Quantity

and ask Him how a lot is their Safety price so as to pay it.

Greatest Regards,

Mrs. Delores Ben

Sadly, my hopes had been dashed once I realized I need to’ve gotten Mrs. D’s e mail by mistake as a result of my Transaction Code is definitely 233/cstc/101/33029.  Poo. I used to be gonna use my 2.5-mil to purchase you all Beemers with little orange neon lights across the fringe of the cup holders. Will you settle for some stuck-together Halloween sweet as an alternative?

Have a tolerable Monday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about right this moment?

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At the moment’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

Gamblers on Betting Web site Rank DeSantis’ Probabilities of Profitable Presidency as Worse Than Invoice in Portland Maine—Who Isn’t Even Working

—Mediaite

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