Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Late Night time Snark: B’bye Version

“Former Speaker of the Home Kevin McCarthy introduced immediately that he will resign on the finish of the 12 months and stated, ‘I do know my work is simply getting began.’  That is an enormous first step, stated his therapist.”

—Seth Meyers

“This implies Republicans may have a fair slimmer majority. And now, like all of Trump’s banished bootlickers, Kevin McCarthy will spend the remainder of his days studying commercials for Stamps-dot-com on a podcast nobody likes.”

—Jimmy Kimmel

Continued…

You at the moment are beneath the fold. Warning: look ahead to airborne dreidels.

“Consultant George Santos was expelled from Congress Friday by a vote of 114 ‘Shantay You Stays’ to 311 ‘Sashay Aways.'”

—Colin Jost, SNL

“Tonight in Alabama was the fourth Republican debate. It aired on the CW community, which is smart as a result of it was two hours of individuals over 35 appearing like they’re in highschool. These debates began on Fox Information and NBC, and now they’re on the CW. I am listening to the subsequent debate will simply be proven on the little display on the fuel pump on the Jersey turnpike.”

—Jimmy Fallon

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“Elon Musk met with Benjamin Netanyahu this week and agreed that Israel should destroy Hamas. I feel Musk might destroy Hamas nearly immediately by turning into their CEO.”

—Michael Che, SNL

“Sure. Henry Kissinger is useless. Which simply goes to indicate you, if in case you have zero morals you will stay a protracted, stress-free life. He dedicated massacres and lived to be 100, whereas the remainder of us over listed below are dying at 47 as a result of we won’t cease stressing over the time we waved to an individual who was truly waving to an individual behind us.”

—The Every day Present visitor host Michelle Wolf

And now, our characteristic presentation…

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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, December 8, 2023

Observe: Arson fees pending after Jeanette and Isabella admit to bringing a torch to a duplex on Riverside Drive throughout a consuming binge.  Movie at 11.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til Festivus: 15

Days ’til the Gaslamp Pet Parade in San Diego: 8

% of People who approve of labor unions, in accordance with Gallup: 67%

Enhance within the variety of union employees in 2022: 300,000

Rank of digital chatbot ChatGPT amongst high searches on Wikipedia in 2023: #1

Common price of an actual Christmas tree this 12 months: $90

Variety of the 4 calling birds that now not have a land line: 3

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Pet Pic of the Day: Joyful birthday #11 (75’ish in human years, we’re instructed) to C&J’s rescue lab-mix and most cancers survivor Haley.  One of many happiest and smartest canines we have ever had the privilege of being owned by, SBDs and all. Everybody: please benefit from the free birthday kibble within the C&J cafeteria this night (we’re placing out further ketchup) in honor of our goofy ol’ dawg from Macon, Georgia:

Joyful birthday, previous girl.

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CHEERS to getting off to an ideal begin. With George Santos’ congressional profession lastly tossed into the dumpster with the remainder of the Home trash, it is time for people in New York’s third district to choose a alternative. And, by golly, the Republicans are off to a superb begin as they start providing up their buffet of contestants:

A New York man who’s working for the congressional seat beforehand held by George Santos was convicted this week of fees regarding the Jan. 6 riot after he testified at his trial that he did not know Congress convened contained in the Capitol.

Philip Sean Grillo, of Queens, was discovered responsible Tuesday of the felony cost of obstruction of an official continuing, together with a collection of misdemeanors like getting into restricted grounds and disorderly conduct in a Capitol constructing, the Justice Division stated in a information launch.

Even worse, we hear he has no thought easy methods to put on an ascot.

JEERS to the return of the Puritans. I remorse to tell you that, regardless of our mostly-deserved popularity as an open and welcoming bastion of progressive values, New England has its share of southern-style freedom stompers who mistook The Handmaid’s Story for a how-to video. And as of late the Republicans within the buckle hats and buckle sneakers and buckle underpants (gosh, they certain love their buckles) hail from New  Hampshire, the place studying the room is a ability they appear to lack:

Republicans in New Hampshire filed some of the excessive abortion bans within the nation on Tuesday―and a GOP trifecta might permit the invoice to change into regulation as soon as the legislature begins its 2024 session subsequent month.

The invoice was pre-filed within the Home in September, however the full textual content of the abortion ban was solely launched Tuesday morning. The laws “prohibits abortion, apart from for a medical emergency, if the gestational age of the fetus is greater than 15 days,” in accordance with the invoice textual content.

The invoice is definitely a compromise. The true hardliners needed a unique plan. They name it “Standing over {couples} throughout intercourse with a stopwatch.”

CHEERS to the #1 explanation for bushy palms and sudden blindness.  On this date in 1994 Surgeon Common Joycelyn Elders—who, at 90, remains to be professor emeritus on the College of Arkansas for Medical Sciences—acquired triangulated out of her job by President Invoice Clinton.  Her offense: having the gall to recommend that legalizing marijuana is likely to be a good suggestion, and educating youngsters about masturbation would possibly assist forestall the unfold of AIDS.

“Training, schooling, schooling,” she stated.  “The one manner we’re going to get round this illness is with schooling. We have now no vaccine, now we have no magic drug. All we have got is schooling.”  Clinton ought to’ve let her keep. He would possibly’ve realized that enjoying with your self prevents one thing else: impeachment.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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JEERS to compassionate conservabuttheads.  As earnings inequality unnecessarily continues squeezing People, we’re reminded that 40 years in the past this week, Legal professional Common Ed Meese claimed that individuals go to soup kitchens “as a result of meals is free and that is simpler than paying for it.”  May Reagan choose ’em or might Reagan choose ’em?

CHEERS to residence vegetation. Certain, the world’s crumbling round us…however no less than we have got the magic speaking image field to make issues higher. The night begins out the standard manner, with Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew unwrapping the most recent presents from Bidenville and MAGA City. At 8:30 on PBS’s Firing Line Margaret Hoover talks with exiled Venezuelan opposition chief Leopoldo Lopez about combatting autocracy. And there’s a brand new episode of Penn & Teller: Idiot Us! at 8 on the CW.

The preferred motion pictures and streamers are all reviewed right here at Rotten Tomatoes.  The NHL schedule is right here, and the NBA schedule is right here. Adam Driver hosts Saturday Night time Stay.

Sunday night time’s busy, with Frozen on ABC, a Grammy Salute to Hip Hop on CBS, and Grasp Chef Junior: Dwelling for the Holidays changing the standard lineup on Fox. After which, after a brand new episode of John Oliver’s Final Week Tonight (HBO), it’s to mattress with all of you and no listening to your crystal radios below the covers otherwise you’re in massive bother, buster.

Now this is your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: TBA

This Week: Secretary of State Antony Blinken; former Rep. Liz Cheney.

Face the Nation: Save the Youngsters president Janti Soeripto; President Biden’s funds chief Shalanda Younger; Sen. Jim Lankford (MAGA Cult-OK).

CNN’s State of the Union: Secretary of State Antony Blinken; Sen. J.D. Vance (MAGA Cult-OH).

Fox MAGA Speaking Factors Sunday: Rep. Nancy Mace (MAGA Cult-SC); Virginia Lt. Gov. Winsome Sears (MAGA Cult); Swedish protection Minister Pal Jonson.

Joyful viewing!

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Ten years in the past in C&J: December 8, 2013

JEERS to the United States of Skepticism.  Apparently America has change into a nation of distrusters: 

Nowadays, solely one-third of People say most individuals might be trusted. Half felt that manner in 1972, when the Common Social Survey first requested the query. […] An AP-GfK ballot carried out final month discovered that People are suspicious of one another in on a regular basis encounters. Lower than one-third expressed lots of belief in clerks who swipe their bank cards, drivers on the highway, or individuals they meet when touring.  “I am leery of everyone,” stated Bart Murawski, 27, of Albany, N.Y.

Murawski, in fact, is filled with shit.  Do not belief him.

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And only one extra…

CHEERS to A Well timed and Obligatory Musical Interlude.  43 years in the past immediately, on December 8, 1980, John Lennon was gunned down by some fool. I used to be 16 and preparing for varsity after I heard the information that day (oh boy), and it is exhausting to fathom that I am now almost twenty years older than he was—40—when he was killed. Lennon believed that each one you want is love, give peace an opportunity and battle is over if you would like it. And this, too…

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At present there have been commemorations of John Lennon’s life and peace activism. The imagining continues…with combined outcomes.

Have an ideal weekend. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about immediately?

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