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Matthew Mitcham has opened up in a heartbreaking interview about when his life hit its lowest level.
The Australian Olympian is participating within the newest sequence of SAS Australia and on Tuesday evening opened up on the torment he suffered whereas battling drug habit and the self-worth and nervousness points that nearly ended his life.
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After claiming the 10m platform gold medal on the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Mitcham was on high of the world.
He knew from an early age that diving was going to be his ticket to success and he threw every thing he had at it.
“It was my ticket to being particular. As a result of I may do it rather well and that’s all I form of wished,” Mitcham says.
“Since I used to be like 8 or 9 I assumed that if I do one thing actually good then I get this optimistic validation and if I’m the perfect on this planet at one thing then I’m going to get every thing that I want. Like I’m going to be ok with myself.
“That was an actual driving power.”
Mitcham talks about having a “actually low self-worth” which stems from his childhood the place he was an solely youngster to a single mum.
It’s when he’s requested to return by way of his childhood that the emotion begins to pour out.
“Clearly her life was tough so the best method to make me simply be as straightforward as attainable was to manage me by way of worry,” he says.
SAS teacher Ant Middleton asks the Olympian what that made him do to himself and whether or not or not he hates himself.
“Yeah. I simply didn’t really feel adequate.”
He opens as much as reveal he used to have interaction in bodily hurt, reducing himself “out of anger” when feeling overwhelmed.
“As a result of then I felt like the issue was handled. It was some form of launch for me. And after one specific episode, I went too far and I needed to name my grandma to take me to the hospital.”
It’s then that Mitcham reveals, after being requested what the worst factor he did was, he had as soon as tried to finish his life and the way it all stemmed from childhood trauma.
“I attempted to take my life as soon as. … fortunately it didn’t work,” he says as tears pour out.
“I kinda knew from (the age of) 5 that I preferred boys. Via major college and faith, that’s when disgrace began getting placed on to it.
“And so then I put a rubber band round my wrist – as a result of I knew that being homosexual was such a foul factor – I put a rubber band round my wrist and each time I had a homosexual thought I’d snap the rubber band towards my wrist to attempt affiliate ache with it to try to prepare myself out of being homosexual.”
The Aussie Olympian is at the moment seven-and-a-half years clear and sober after battling a crystal meth habit.
Mitcham mentioned his troubled previous with medicine and suicidal ideas, which had been sometimes triggered by a “post-Video games comedown”.
The Queenslander battled despair in his teenagers, changing into dependant on alcohol and binge consuming to assist him address psychological sickness.
“I’d actually block my nostril and drink, drink, drink as a result of the purpose wasn’t to get drunk, it was to throw up and cross out faster than I did the week earlier than,” Mitcham advised the BBC.
“It was reduction, escapism and a approach of shutting my mind off for a couple of hours, nevertheless it stored escalating.”
Initially revealed as Australian Olympian Matthew Mitcham opens up in heartbreaking reveal
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